The Cost of Compromise
Values are something I believe every individual and family should have. Values that drive behaviors and desired outcomes. For our family, our values spell out FRESH: Flexibility, Relationships, Excellence, Servant-Leadership, and Health. These values have led to our yesses as well as some no’s. Everything we do, we try to filter through our values. However, let me share how compromising a value landed me in the Emergency Room in the middle of the night.
A little over month ago, I had a minor surgery. The surgery went great, and everything was normal. The first day I experienced a little pain. The second day, I made some progress. The third day I woke up feeling better and about 80%. I can do a whole lot on 80%. Somedays, with a toddler and newborn, I feel I’m operating on 50%. How many parents can relate to that? One of my absolute favorite things to do in life is to serve with Raven. I met her serving in youth ministry together and we lead a nonprofit called Live Full that serves the community in different ways. No matter what it is, I just love serving and spending time with her. Serving has always been a huge part of our relationship. On that third day after my surgery, she had an event for her job that I wanted to support as well as serve alongside her and the team. I ended up serving at the event.
The following day I went to work and finished the day as normal. That night I began to run a fever, experienced excruciating pain and started having chills. The decline was officially here. The next day (fifth day post-surgery), same thing, fever, pain, chills. I know what y’all are thinking! Lol “Boy you were doing too much!” Haha if this is what you were thinking, you were right! I was doing too much, way too soon. On that fifth day, the pain got unbearable so at 3am we dropped the boys off with family and went to the ER. I ended up being in the ER for about 4 hours and was prescribed some pain meds and antibiotics. This could have all been prevented if I didn’t compromise our value of health.
One thing that Covid taught us is the importance of living healthy lives. Not just physical health, but schedule health, spiritual health, mental health etc. The best outcomes that we’ve experienced were due to approaches done out of health. Conceding our health value cost me a trip to the ER, a prolonged recovery time, and of course an ER bill! AIN’T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT! That was my cost of compromise.
Can you think of a time where you compromised a value? Did the outcome have an impact on you or your family like it did mine? In that instance, I’ve learned that even for good reasons, values need to continue to be the compass that guides us in our decision making, big or small.
This experience was a glaring reminder of the importance of staying true to our values, no matter the circumstances. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment and let our desire to help others or fulfill certain roles overshadow our foundational beliefs. But, as I learned the hard way, when we compromise what is most important to us, the repercussions can be significant.
Values act as a guiding star, helping us navigate through life’s challenges and decisions. They aren’t just abstract concepts. They are practical tools that shape our actions and, ultimately, our well-being. By staying aligned with our values, we ensure that our choices contribute positively to our lives and those around us. When we compromise on values, often we confiscate our victories.
If you’re reading this and haven’t yet defined your values, take some time to reflect on what matters to you most. What moralities do you want to guide your personal and family life? Write them down, discuss them with your loved ones, and commit to living by them. It can be a transformative practice that brings clarity, purpose, and consistency to your parenting, to your marriage, to your leadership, and to your life.