5 Things My Toddler Taught Me
Growing up in rural Oklahoma, I spent most of my time outdoors playing basketball and riding horses. The time I spent inside was often eating with family and watching family shows. Some of my favorite shows to watch were the Jamie Foxx Show and Home Improvement but my absolute favorite was My Wife and Kids. Since I can remember, I wanted to be a husband and a dad one day. Fast forward many years later, here I am, a husband and a dad. My wife Raven and I will be celebrating 7 years of marriage this year. We have 2 boys, Zion who is our 2 year old toddler (we call him Ziggy) and our newborn Zaire who just recently blessed our world at the end of 2023. Often, we think of parenting as nurturing, disciplining, loving, providing, protecting, and caring for our children. But when I stepped into parenthood, I didn’t know how much learning it would entail as well. Here are 5 things my toddler has taught me.
Be Patient. Earlier in my journey, I would get disappointed or discouraged by something he did or the way he reacted to or didn’t react to directions or other requests. I thought change of behavior should be instant. My goodness was I wrong haha. In the journey of learning to be more patient, I began to learn and understand him more such as what excites him, what behaviors he has in certain moods, and when he’s tired. I am also discovering so much about myself in the process and my own shortcomings as a dad and the things I can do better. Sometimes I get so caught up in leading him for the future, that I miss the mark on loving him in the present.
Have a Short Memory. One of the things I admire most about Ziggy is his ability to wake up in a great mood what seems like every single day. It doesn’t matter what transpired before naptime or bedtime the night before. As most of you know bedtime and naptime can sometimes be called struggle times haha but the kid has an ability to regroup, reset, and restart in a way that brings new energy to the day. It really challenges me to look inside and say what are some things I need to have a short memory on and regroup, reset, and restart? What are some things I can bring new energy to?
How Important My Marriage is to Him. Last year Raven and I were navigating some tough waters. One particular morning, we were getting ready for work, weren’t talking, and negative vibes were thick in the air. I remember being in the closet picking out clothes to wear and Zion comes in (again with this new energy) and grabs our hands and initiated a group hug. We broke down in tears in the moment. Ziggy did not let go of either of us until we prayed and said Amen. That was the very first and last time he has ever done that. But in that moment, that’s exactly what we needed. We needed each other, we needed Ziggy to be used by God, and Ziggy needed to not only see us embrace each other, but to feel it.
Falling Don’t Mean Failing. One of the best things I enjoy doing with Ziggy is playing with him and his toys. One day we were playing with the legendary building blocks. We were building a tower and before we completed it, it fell to the ground. Ziggy’s immediate reaction was, “It’s okay daddy, let’s do it again!” My initial reaction in my mind was “dang it, we were almost done!” Our different point of views really made me put it in perspective. Sometimes when things fall, it’s not that we were unsuccessful in the moment, but that we were unstable in the beginning. Other times when we fall, it is because we made a wrong decision in the moment by misplacing blocks. It really got me thinking, what blocks am I misplacing? What values, relationships, desires, and even ambitions am I misplacing? Even in the moments of falling, the blocks don’t get lost or lose value, the tower just gets reconstructed.
Steward the Stage. Over the years I’ve learned that there are 5 stages to parenting.
0-1: Caring
1-5: Discipline
5-12: Training
12-18: Coaching
18+: Friendship
Seeing Ziggy grow and develop makes me appreciate the present. There’s a saying that I’m sure you’ve heard before, “They grow up fast!” That statement couldn’t be truer. Me knowing that stages of life will change for us throughout our boys’ lives, enables me to slow down my mind and not rush the season we’re currently in. One of my favorite places to go to with my bride is the cabins in Broken Bow, OK. A very quiet and serene place to escape for a few days. On the way we sometimes take the Talimena Drive which is one of the most beautiful scenic drives in the nation. People travel around the nation to see the fall foliage of this stretch of highway. While driving on this route, we intentionally drive slower. At times we even stop the car completely to take in the beauty of all the different colors of the trees blended together in the season. For me parenting has been the same. It’s okay to slow down and even stop completely at times to digest the season and steward the stage.
Learning these 5 things have been instrumental in my parenting journey. Maybe these things are things your child taught you as well. Maybe your children have taught you other things. But no matter what our child or children teach us, posturing ourselves in a position of teachability will help us become greater parents and leaders for our kids. And that’s parenting in purpose!